Science Court: Paternity
by Anguirus111
Summary: Professor Parsons attempt to explain a scientific principle goes horribly awry with unexpected revelations for three members of the courtroom.


A/N: I've always wanted to write a Science Court story. Particularly involving a scientific principle they would likely never cover in an episode due to audience level yet still with a plot and dialog aimed at that audience. Also, this story presumes Dr. Julie Bean and Felix Fullergast are adults who look like children and not child prodigies. Look it up, use it, wear it out.

Science Court Attorney, Allison Krempel, was not having a good day. Usually her cases involved some strange quirk of science that even an elementary school student would either know or be studying about. But today the case was a doozy for all the wrong reasons.

For starters, it was pouring down rain in Sciville. Which was so rare it was almost unheard of. Typically it was always a sunny day with few clouds in the air, always picturesque.

But more importantly, the problems further arose from the fact that the plaintiff and the defendant were again Mary Murray and J.C. Cramwood. Whom in Allison's mind both needed to have their heads examined. Murray had a disturbing attachment to all things frog. J.C. Cramwood meanwhile was the poster boy for idiotic Hollywood man-child.

Which unfortunately, brought her to today. Previously, J.C. Cramwood had accused Mary Murray of building a rocket that didn't fly and also stealing his frog which he summarily lost on both counts. But now he had somehow gotten the ridiculous idea into his head that after hearing Mary proclaiming how much she loved that same frog and that she was its (surrogate) mother that he was now somehow its father and was now suing for joint custody!

How Doug Savage, Science Court's lone prosecutor, was going along with this farce was beyond her; but then again most of the cases he agreed to represent were often completely absurd. She couldn't tell if he genuinely believed Cramwood was the father or not but knowing him she found herself not wanting to find out.

When Allison had been in law school studying to be a science court attorney she had big dreams of working high profile cases involving corporate espionage, patent disputes, and really technically challenging cases. Instead, she found herself embroiled in cases involving the water cycle, heat expansion, gravity, and other nonsense that anybody in their right minds should know.

_Secretly, Allison wondered if Sciville had the lowest intelligent quotient in the country but wasn't sure what that might say about its citizens…or her._

But all of these side thoughts weren't really helping her deal with the real elephant in the room…that for perhaps the first time in her career working as a Science Court attorney she was in danger of losing a case due to being on the verge of a mistrial. Not because Cramwood's argument held any weight but because in Science Court you had to engage in scientific principles…no matter how absurd the hypothesis being tested might be. And so she had dutifully called her first witness, Dr. Julie Bean, and confidently expected this insult of a trial to be over in a matter of minutes.

And then everything went wrong…

Dr. Bean had been so disgusted and shocked over the case at hand that she'd first had to be convinced this wasn't some elaborate prank being pulled on her. Once assured of this fact, she'd then gotten into a heated argument with Doug Savage about the absurdity of the idea. But that hadn't ended well due to Savage's cluelessness on nearly every scientific principle. It ended with Dr. Bean being forcibly removed from the stand as she'd just been about to go on a profanity-laced tirade about this trial being an 'abomination to science'. She would've been ejected from the courtroom but then she'd lamely apologized at the last minute; likely to avoid repercussions back at her university rather than any genuine sorrow about her actions.

She was nevertheless barred by Judge Stone from taking the witness stand again. But to that end it looked like Dr. Bean had no intention of doing so and instead took a seat in the audience area and glared daggers at Savage when he wasn't looking…and sometimes when he was.

Seeing the normally unflappable Dr. Bean so rattled had disconcerted Allison a little bit but she did her best to not show it. But she couldn't stop her baring her teeth briefly at Savage when he self-congratulated himself over finally sticking it to Dr. Bean.

With little recourse, she then called Dr. Felix Fullergast to the stand. To his credit, he hadn't gone the same route as Julie Bean, he'd just been left at a loss for words. And not metaphorically, he'd just been completely speechless. He hadn't said a word as Allison explained the case as Felix's jaw dropped lower and lower until it couldn't go down any further. In the end he'd sat silent for several moments before he promptly burst out laughing uncontrollably about the whole case to the point that he too had nearly been ejected from the courtroom. As it was he was recused from the bench and decided to stay for the remainder of the case, taking a seat next to Julie Bean. To have one doctor remain behind after testifying was one thing but having the two of them was nearly unheard of…again causing no end to Allison's unease over this whole situation.

If this had been a regular criminal trial, you were innocent until proven guilty. But in Science Court, if you couldn't disprove a hypothesis then it was automatically assumed to be true. A dumb rule in Allison's mind but she had to make do with that. And with two experts unable to produce any solid evidence for her case, Allison found herself trying to avoid sweating sheets of water…lest someone slip and she find herself in another water cycle case.

Her last hope remained with Professor Parsons but he was uncharacteristically nowhere to be found once she'd called his name to the stand. Normally, he was waiting just outside the courtroom doors or out on the front steps even before the case started eager to be called in to showcase his scientific skills and in the process overindulge his already large personal ego. Allison had been able to call a brief recess to stall for time but it was coming to an end and to say she was now on the verge of a panic attack was an understatement.

"Look, you just tell Mentok he'd better have my poker winnings by Friday or it won't only be his mind I'll be taking for payment," said Judge Stone into her cellphone before shutting it off and hiding it in her robes…no doubt a black hole of missing items and half-eaten chicken wings and fast food thought Allison before she instantly chided herself for those rude thoughts. This case was really getting to her.

_Where was Professors Parsons…?_

Judge Stone consulted her watch.

"Ms. Kremple if your witness doesn't show in the next five minutes I will have no choice but to…," she began.

"I know your honor," Allison said immediately not wanting to give Doug the satisfaction of hearing the word 'mistrial'. But judging from his fist pump for once he knew enough about the courtroom procedures to know what was likely coming next.

So instead of staring at the door like an idiot she instead took stock of the courtroom. And her eyes drifted to Mikaela sitting behind Doug and next to courtroom reporter Jen Betters. Such a sweet child, she did her best to help out Doug when she could but to little or no avail. Now with time to think on things other than a case, Allison couldn't help but wonder what Mikaela was even doing in the courtroom in the first place. She'd been here for every trial but to Allison's recollection she'd never seen her dropped off or picked up by anyone parent or guardian. Plus when did she have extra time to go to school? At least with Tim he was officially her assistant and had a reason for being here.

Looking over at Tim, Allison sighed to herself as he was again making googly eyes at Mary Murray being completely smitten with her. Even though the feeling was in no way mutual.

"Excuse Ms. Kremple but…," began Judge Stone reluctantly breaking into her reverie.

"Yes, your honor," said Allison trying to steel her resolve. She promised she wouldn't cry at this moment.

"This this case is officially a…,"

*SLAM*

The courtroom doors suddenly slammed open in dramatic fashion and a tall shadow became visible on the courtroom floor having been cast from a character hard to make out because of the bright sunlight outside. Next to the long shadow were three smaller shadows belonging to three smaller bodies.

The taller body walked with a purpose into the room as if the person it belonged to was the most important person in the universe at the moment.

…And as Allison squinted to make out the individual in question, it resolved inside in the form of…

"Hello everybody, sorry I'm late! Did ya miss me?"

…Professor Parsons.

Well, Professor Parsons and three young children, Allison amended. Allison stared at the young trio confused, she didn't think Parsons had any kids. One of them was Caucasian with blonde hair and a sharp pointed triangle nose with a video camera affixed over one eye. The second was also Caucasian except a squat chubby brown haired child. And the third was a female child of possible African-American or else Indian descent; Allison couldn't entirely tell; with dark hair. All three were wearing colorful if not tacky looking jumpsuits.

"Sorry, I'm late but I had to babysit my nephew, Jason," said Parsons pointing to the squat chubby child. "But then got conned into babysitting his two friends Brendon and Melissa."

All three children waved as Parsons ushered them into the audience pews and then immediately hopped into the witness booth not bothering with the scientific oath. Doug glowered at this turn of events but otherwise said nothing.

"So what's today's case? Lay it on me Krempel," said Parsons eager to get going as he drummed his hands theatrically on the wood in front of him. A smug smile crossed her face for what she was about to say to see his reaction while internally dreading he too would wash out on her.

"We are trying to determine whether two humans can be the biological parents of a frog," she told him. Parsons was taken aback by that as his eyes briefly became as wide as saucers. He leaned back as he pondered that comment.

"Oh," he began. And then deeper "Oh," capped up with a third dreaded "**Oh.**"

Allison's face froze in fear upon his dismayed reaction. Doug for his part was back to being beyond ecstatic at possibly winning his first case.

"Then I guess all I can say to that is…," Parsons began wringing his hands nervously. "…Is what a kooky case, I love it!" he shouted in his usual enthusiasm while throwing up his arms.

If a face plant in anime were possible in real-life that would likely have been the reaction of everyone in the courtroom. The abrupt tonal shift was like whiplash in their faces.

"Good," Allison managed to stagger out before she briefly returned to her desk to recollect her thoughts on how best to proceed. She reexamined her notes as from the corner of her eye she could see Doug trying to figure out how he could scheme his way into having Parsons ejected from the courtroom like Doctors Bean and Fullergast. This case was clearly not over by a long shot.

"So, we're here to talk about the birds and the bees is that it?" Parsons asked jovially as Julie visibly rolled her eyes and covered her face with her hand in embarrassment at the man's behavior.

"NO!" shouted Cramwood from the prosecutor's table startling everyone. "We're here to talk about frogs!" he insisted obliviously as Mary Murray silently nodded her head in agreement.

Felix Fullergast snickered upon hearing that as Parsons gave a sly smile at Cramwood. "Yep, you're absolutely right. Good ol' frogs from the Order of Anura."

Cramwood looked like a deer in the headlights with no response to that, his acting talents apparently completely failing him at the moment. Savage for his part looked like he was about to call for an objection.

Abruptly Allison stood up again and realized she'd have to forge ahead without a major plan of attack if she hoped to keep Doug off his game.

"Professor Parsons, can you explain how babies are made?" she asked and was hardly surprised by the sudden wide-eyes, coughs, and stunned reactions from everyone in the room.

A slick smile crossed Parsons' face as he leaned back in his chair. "Well for starters you need to have-,"

"In a way that is appropriate for all audiences," Allison butted in nodding her head towards the young children in the room.

"Right…," said Parsons realizing that fact as his expression dropped at that prospect before briefly smiling again and briefly summing it up as "A+B=C."

Doug raised his hand. "Objection! I don't think babies have anything to do with math or the alphabet. Everyone knows you can't add letters," he said seemingly sincerely.

Chuckles erupted from various members of the audience at his naivety.

"Then buckle up my friend because we're in for one wild ride," Parsons declared to him before gripping both handrests and making engine noises like he was tearing down the road at high speed. Allison shot him a look and so Parsons then leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. Doug straightened up at that comment feeling insulted as Allison stepped in again to prevent that conversation.

"So is it possible for two humans to give birth to a frog?" Allison asked next. Parsons snorted at that as he didn't even bother facing her to answer that question, he just looked off to the left at the exit door next to the jury box.

"No," he said bluntly not bothering to mince words.

"Objection!" shouted Doug immediately. "All scientific answers have to be backed up by scientific principles."

Parsons straightened up that, impressed. "Sustained," he answered in place of Judge Stone before realizing he had overstepped his bounds and looked up at the judge who waved his concerns off as she absently spun her gavel in her hand.

"Well for starters we're not even the same species," he pointed out before noticing Doug about to say "objection" again and held up his hands in acquiescence. "Alright, alright we'll use a scientific principle. In this case, since Cramwood thinks he's the father, paternity testing."

"Oooh," came the expected noise from the jury box at hearing a scientific word finally being spoken.

"Or perhaps we need a maternity test as well because there's no way Mary Murray gave birth to that thing," Parsons continued, pointing at the frog which merely blinked at him.

"What's paternity?" asked Doug curious having never heard such a thing before.

"It's the use of DNA profiling to determine if two individuals are biologically related," Parsons stated and noticed he had again lost the audience.

"Basically a child has genetic similarities with their parents because they are essentially a blend of both so you take a paternity, or maternity, test to determine if a parent has similarities with them, genetically speaking,"

"But I don't want to pat my head for eternity, I'll get a bald spot," said Stenographer Fred in one his usual misunderstandings that resulted in chuckles from the audience.

Parsons leaned over the witness booth to look over at him. "Oh I don't think you're in any danger of that happening," he promised seeing as Fred already had a noticeable bald spot on his head. Unfortunately that flew over the clueless stenographer.

"Besides we don't rub our heads we take a swab inside the mouths of the parent and child and look for similarities in their genes," he told the audience.

"Jeans?" asked Fred again cluelessly looking at his pants.

"Not those jeans," Parsons uncharacteristically snapped at him. "We'll look at your cells to determine their genetic makeup which essentially determines you why you are the way you are," said Parsons while essentially simplifying the concept and also deliberately leaving out religious aspects. He then prayed nobody asked him what a cell was as he tried to remember if that topic had already come up in a previous case.

"Can you give us an example of a genetic trait passed down from parent to child?" asked Allison curious and trying to get the trial again back on track.

"Sure," Parsons agreed, glad to get into the more grounded part of the process as he leaned forward on the jury box before grinning to himself. "So Julie and I have been married for a few years now-."

Allison's jaw immediately dropped at that revelation that came out of the blue as the jury sat there like deer in the headlights too stunned to speak.

Julie for her part immediately stood up in her chair which didn't give her much more height than when she had been sitting.

"Like spit we are!" she shouted at him from her spot across the courtroom. "I'd never marry you, you...you clod!" she sputtered out since she had been banned from swearing in the courtroom. Apparently old timey English was all she could think of in circumstances like this.

"I'm the man of her dreams, she just doesn't know it yet," Parsons promised with a wink. Julie growled at him and turned dark red while Felix gave an amused snort at their back and forth.

"I hate you more than you will ever know, Parsons," Julie promised crossing her arms before sitting back down. For his part Parson's eyes drifted to Felix who was enjoying this way too much as he laughed into his arm to try and muffle the noise.

"At any rate, Julie, we shouldn't be fighting in front of the child," the tall male scientist stated to his alleged wife.

"Don't you mean, children?" pointed out Felix knowingly as he looked at the three children Parsons had brought with him.

"I wasn't referring to them short stuff," said Parsons leaning back again in his chair and leisurely throwing his right arm over the back of the chair while using his left hand to stick a toothpick in his mouth. It took a moment for Felix to realize to whom Parsons was referring and he now turned beet red at that.

"Oh, screw you, Parsons!" he shot back as Parsons now laughed into his free hand.

"Calm down all of you or I will hold everyone in contempt!" demanded Judge Stone as she banged her gavel on her sound block to try and restore order and get everyone back on track.

Allison for her part was beginning to realize why she just about never saw the three scientists in the same room before. Apparently like most experts in a field they couldn't stand each other.

"Ms. Kremple, please get us focused again," pleaded Judge Stone to her from high above. This case was taking too many twists and turns and so was getting more and more bizarre by the moment.

"Right," Allison agreed with a nod. "Professor, how can we demonstrate genetic similarities?"

Parsons shrugged. "That's easy, take a DNA test and look at the results. I said that earlier. I don't mind taking one with my nephew as it would prove we have some genetic similarities though not as strong as parent to child. We can even test Cramwood and Murray against that frog. What about it, Jason?"

Looking over to Parsons' nephew, Allison craned her head towards him in the hopes that Jason might finally reveal Parson's elusive first name.

"Whatever you say, Uncle Professor Parsons!" the boy said enthusiastically. Allison for her part narrowly avoided rolling her eyes at being predictably outwitted by a cliché.

"Sounds good to me," she agreed to avoid her disappointment of the first name business as this would seal the win for her case. But the gears kept grinding in Parsons head.

"Hey to make it fun why don't we all take a DNA test!" he exclaimed to the crowd.

"Ooh," said the audience with their favorite word, excited by participating in a scientific experiment as they always did. But that group would be impressed by anything science related, even a colon cleansing.

Jen Betters visible straightened up that after a furtive glance at Mikaela.

"I-I don't think that's such a good idea," she stammered out nearly starting to sweat. Parsons waved her complaint off with his hand.

"Ah, c'mon it'll all be anonymous," he promised. "If nothing else you can look up your number later and find out your genealogy by knowing where you ancestors originated."

"Do it, do it, do it!" shouted the jury box egging her on. Looking incredibly nervous she took one last look at Mikaela and then at Doug and then whispered a silent prayer to herself and straightened up all business.

"Alright, I will," she conceded hoping she hadn't made a big mistake.

The jury cheered.

Later after the samples had been taken and analyzed:

"Alright everybody let's give it a whirl and see what we've got," Parsons said standing in front of an electronic screen as if he was a game show host. He then pushed a button on his remote and the various profiles of the courtroom appeared on it.

"Just get on with it, Parsons," Fullergast heckled from the audience. Allison was in full agreement but said nothing.

"Hey, no dinner for you young man," Parson sniped back before pressing a button on his remote. "So, let's take a look at my results compared to my nephew's," Parson began. The two profiles appeared as a line linked their two profiles and then an indicator that they had a strong genetic relationship but nothing on the level of parent/child.

"No surprise there," Parsons commented before moving on. "Since we had everyone write in their pre-screener if they were related to anyone else and nobody said they were, let's see how the genetic similarities comparisons went."

Jen Betters was looking rather pale as the boxes dramatically spun around the screen as if in a centrifuge before all coming to a halt. And then three boxes jumped to the top of the list of genetic similarities.

"Wait, what? Why is there a strong relation between three of the samples that wasn't reported on any of the screener documents?" Parsons wondered aloud. Despair had now set in for Jen Betters who was remaining absolutely still. The rest of the courtroom was perplexed, Allison among them.

"Strong as in brother and sister?" she asked curious. Parsons shook his head.

"No, as in two parents and a child," he remarked trying to wrap his brain around it.

"Well you said you and Professor Bean were related and Fullergast was your child. Could that be it?" asked Doug seriously and completely cluelessly. But not clueless enough to realize that this diversion was a good distraction from whether his client was right or wrong.

"Must be illegitimate, a secret, or else not known," was all Parsons could figure as he put his hands in his pockets and walked back to the witness stand.

"It must be me and the frog. He has my eyes!" declared Cramwood obliviously. Parsons held his hand to his face and shook his head in shame. Fullergast barely stopped Bean from throwing her shoe at the faux-movie star.

"It's can't be you! For the last time you're not even the same species," Parsons declared.

"You're not a frog anyway, just a toad," Mary Murray said under her breath.

"You can't let us know which ones they are?" asked Tim cutting in and saving Allison a reprimand from Judge Stone. Parsons and Allison both shook their heads.

"Only if they volunteer. I purposely didn't memorize anyone's number besides myself and my nephew's for the demonstration," the scientist responded flustered. He didn't like a question he couldn't find an answer to…especially an unexpected one.

"54, 22, 37," said Allison quoting the numbers not knowing what else to do.

"Well I'm 54," said Doug out of the blue apparently not realizing what a big deal this was. Things got so deafly quiet in the room you could have heard a pin drop.

"What?" asked Allison with the obvious question staring at him like a deer in the headlights.

"I'm 54 so what did I win?" asked Doug thinking this was a gameshow.

Before Allison could correct him, Mikaela's hand shot up.

"Yes?" asked Judge Stone curious. Maybe this was getting too adult for her and she need to leave the room.

"I'm 22," she declared.

The pin drop in the room would've been so silent another pin could've been heard hitting the floor.

"You're what?" said Allison again in a hushed tone scarcely believing it herself.

"I'm 22," she repeated holding up her piece of paper with her number on that Parsons had given everyone so they could look up their results later.

"Well then who's 37?" demanded Julie Bean standing up in her chair which again didn't make her much taller than when she was sitting down. Jen Betters had broken out in a cold sweat over this conversation but no one was paying any attention to her, they were trying to unravel this mystery.

"How about we have everyone turn in their numbers and find out?" asked Tim. Parsons shook his head.

"No, it would be still an invasion of privacy," he pointed out with a tip of his head at him and then drummed his fingers absently on the side of the witness stand.

"Then we are at an impasse," said Judge Stone folding her arms underneath her robes. "But this is all sidetracking us anyway, continue with your case Ms. Krempel."

But Allison feverishly shook her head. "I can't your honor. I may be able to have experts declare that the frog is not Cramwood and Murray's biological child; but if I can't prove the overall concept of paternity then I have no case. I would have won the battle but lost the war."

That upset Jen who considered Allison a dear friend and did not want to see her lose despite the circumstances. She had to make a decision about her indecision and fast.

Doug for his part did a happy fist pump at hearing that and winced briefly as his elbow hit the back of his chair. "Then _Ms._ Kremple I declare…"

*Bang*

The sound of a foot loudly hitting the wood floor drew everyone' attention as they turned their heads to Jen Betters who was now standing high above everyone.

"I'm 37!" she declared.

The nonexistent pins hitting nonexistent pins hitting nonexistent pins would have finally made a noise by crashing right through the floor into the basement. The only other noise would've been Professor Parson's train of thought loudly derailing. Julie who had been ready to fire another flippant remark at Parson nearly fell off her chair at that revelation. While Allison for her part felt weak and needed to sit down.

"I hear 22, I hear 37, I hear 54, do I have a winner?" asked Stenographer Fred sounding like a stereotypical auctioneer who had no clue what had just been revealed to everyone in the courtroom.

Doug Savage for his part was his usual clueless self.

"I don't get it," he said bewildered about where this case was going as it did not appear to be in his client's favor.

It took a hard shove from Parsons' brain to get his train of thought back on the rails.

"A," he said pointing at Jen Betters who looked away slightly ashamed.

"Plus B," Parsons continued pointing to Doug.

"Equals C," he concluded by pointing at Mikaela.

Doug's expression was like a deer in the headlights. The lights were on but nobody was home.

"I still don't-,"

Mikaela immediately rushed to him and clung to his arm. "Daddy!" she said happily. Whether she had already known or this was new to her, Allison was just grateful she wasn't on the witness stand.

The jury finally caught on to the truth of the matter and all stared in unison at the prosecution stand.

Doug for his part could only babble incoherently.

"Way to go Parsons," said Julie Bean from the audience cutting into the silence. But her tone indicated she bore no ill will towards him over this, just quiet resignation over what had happened. Parsons for his part was still trying to come to grips with how his experiment had ended in disaster.

"Yeah," he agreed leaning back in his chair. "I'm just glad I have tenure."

His eyes then drifted over to Jen Betters. "How?" he had to ask at a total loss.

"That's really none of your business," she said politely but firmly. She then took Mikaela's hand in one and with her other she grabbed Doug's arm and lightly dragged him from the room.

But as she passed by Allison Kremple she paused briefly. "No need for a subpoena. I'll tell you someday," she promised her friend and then the trio was gone from the room.

With that over Allison returned her attention to the bench wondering what would happen to the case now. That Judge Stone hadn't said anything was odd until she looked at up and saw the lascivious gaze the Judge was giving to Stenographer Fred who was obliviously hammering away on his typewriter. She nearly gagged on seeing that and desperately needed something to draw her attention away from the situation.

"Hey Allison," said Parsons sounding sincere trying to get his attention.

"Yes?" she asked, willing to give him the benefit of the doubt this time.

A self-righteous smirk crossed the Professor's face. "Isn't it about time you burst out into song?"

The glare Allison gave him would have melted steel it was that fierce.

*ROAR*

…And it was at this point that the jury finally rioted. Tension had been building the group ever since the experiment started to go awry and that the expected payoff of learning some new scientific principle hadn't happened was driving them nearer and nearer to the edge. Whether it was Doug unexpectedly leaving the courtroom and not getting his usual comeuppance or instead Allison's refusal to sing about the scientific concept of the day was the straw that broke the camel's back, the jury immediately surged over the stand and began trashing the courtroom, joined in by the audience who was only more than happy to participate in the cacophony of destruction.

Several hours of rioting later the occupants of the courtroom had left of their own accord and were now wreaking havoc across Sciville as police sirens and firefighter horns were heard blaring. Inside the courtroom it was a mess as the janitors came in to put out the small fires and right the furniture that was still in one piece.

All who was left in the courtroom was Judge Stone, Stenographer Fred, Allison Kremple, Tim, Julie Bean, Felix Fullergast, and Professor Parsons (the kids he was with had long since been picked up by their parents) all of whom had been able to resist the urge for wanton destruction.

Judge Stone for her part was tempted to declare a mistrial but in the ensuing chaos the frog had hopped away and then J.C. Cramwood and Mary Murray had left arm in arm to console each other over the loss of their 'child'. Thereby leaving Tim heartbroken over Mary something Allison had no desire to deal with.

Not that she had much time to dwell on it as Stenographer Fred subsequently finally expressed his disappointment and confusion over the scientific principle. Judge Stone immediately descended from the bench threw Fred over her left shoulder and vowed that they would put into practice 'A+B=C' as they left the courtroom.

…It had taken all of Allison's nerves of steel not to join Felix Fullergast in vomiting into a nearby trash can upon hearing that.

When Felix finally finished (which didn't take very long considering his diminutive stature) the three scientific geniuses all looked at each other nervously and awkwardly over their etiquette during the trial. Allison now began to wonder if there was any way they might be able to repair their relationships.

And then Parsons finally spoke up.

"Drinks in the courtroom bar are on me!" he shouted. And all three cheered and began conversing as if they were now the best of friends, the previous discretions completely forgotten. The abrupt mood shift threw Allison for enough of a loop that she had to lean against the table for support.

"So what'll it be for you Julie?" asked Parsons curious as they slowly began to exit the courtroom.

"I'm going to have enough Soup2Nuts to give myself Squigglevision!" the female scientist declared happily with a big smile on her face.

"What about you Felix, gonna drink from a thimble?" Parsons teased good naturedly to Fullergast.

Felix looped his thumbs under the collar of his sweater. "Oh no, I'm feeling adventurous today after surviving that riot. I'm going to have two thimbles!" he said not feeling at all offended by Parsons jesting.

"I like, I like it!" said Parsons pleased as the group headed for the exit. "I think I'll have a Tom Sny-.'

Julie abruptly stopped in her tracks as she recalled something important.

"Oh, Parsons; before I forget, my mother is coming to visit next week,"

That comment piqued Allison's interest and she began listening intently in on the conversation.

"Aah," said Parsons aggravated as he threw up his hands. "When we are ever going to be done with this charade and you finally get your inheritance?! You know this marriage-of-convenience isn't proving to be very convenient."

Allison's mind went completely blank upon hearing that. Her jaw now started to hurt as once more it dropped down.

"Mother said she didn't care if the marriage was a sham or not that I had to be in a committed relationship for five years before she'd start giving me anything of monetary value," Julie responded. "We're barely six months in at this point!"

Allison's jaw somehow dropped lower something she hadn't thought possible with her physical makeup.

"The nerve of that woman. It feels like an eternity," Parsons groaned looking up at the ceiling.

"Well deal with it beanpole or you're not getting your cut!" Julie sniped at him but without much maliciousness behind it. They were both stuck in this together now.

Felix for his part was spluttering into his hand trying not to laugh too hard at the situation those two had gotten themselves in.

"You know this is all your fault half-pint," said Parsons pointing at him.

"How so?" asked Felix curious with a raised eyebrow.

"You won the coin toss meaning I had to be the one to take her to the altar,"

Felix burst out in uncontrollable laughter at that and it soon spread to the other two and all three were then laughing over the predicament. And then they continued on their way.

"Hey Felix, I bet we could take time off our sentence if you pretended to be our baby," Julie stated. Felix shook his head vigorously at that.

"I drunkenly did that once at the departmental holiday and as you well know-,"

*SLAM*

The three closed the door to the courtroom thereby cutting off the conversation.

Allison for her part finally had the day's events catch up with her and she collapsed onto her chair.

Left alone with Tim who was regarding her curiously, Allison looked up to face him.

"Starting Monday we're finding new clients and we shall never talk about this case or this day ever again," she swore. Tim could only silently nod his head in approval.

Paternity.

Look it up. Use it. Wear it-.

*record skips*

A/N: I also couldn't let go of the three most heavily used scientists on the show going at it. I debated whether to make it a hard M rating by having Julie curse like a sailor before deciding to keep it PG.


End file.
